The existence of Facebook has managed to make us permanent 'friends' with a cross-section of people who, 15 years ago, we would've completely fallen out of touch with and never had a second thought about them. Here's 10 categories of Friends that only exist now thanks to the wonderfully unnecessary permanence of the ol' "Big Bluey" (my cool nickname for FB):
Meeting your friends' new boyfriend/girlfriend is almost always just a countdown to eventually never interacting with that random human ever again, but now, thanks to the magic of Facebook, you can stay informed that the nondescript Tinder dude who your friend brought to your 2014 Oscars party for an hour is now renting an AirBNB in Bogota for a week! Have fun, that guy! I think he was from San Diego?
You could unfriend this person, but it's not like you broke up with them, plus your friend who dated them is still friends with them, so what's your excuse? Congrats! Now you're vaguely in the loop forever.
Oh yeah! That German exchange student who rented your other bedroom for a month before your friend could move in. He stayed in his room the whole time and only emerged to cook a can of black beans that he ate in his room while listening to music til 6:30 am. Subletter for a month, friend 4 LYFE.
Do you enjoy making ten minutes of smalltalk when your friend's parents are visiting and the dad has to use your bathroom for a bit before they all go out to dinner? Then you'll LOVE having your friend's mom see everything you ever post to Facebook and having her 'like' very specific inside jokes that she couldn't possibly have gotten but you'd feel bad pointing that out to her!
Oh yeah, that dude! He's 6 years older than you and used to send 9-paragraph long "fun" emails about Friday in-the-office Happy Hours to keep morale up in an office where everyone was technically an intern working 50 hours a week and getting paid for 10. Now he's on a boat in Montauk. Enjoy that boat, person!
I guess I knew someone named Amanda at some point in my life? That breakfast place she's at looks cool. Godspeed, A!
Whoa, Broomball Eddie sure has some searing opinions about the GOP field!
Uh, hey there, "Nic Gio". Are you Nick? Nicole? Your pic is a couple. I'm pretty sure I remember that you're a teacher now and don't want your name to be searchable on Facebook? Hopefully I'm not somehow exposing you to your students by liking that pic of your dog yawning upside-down.
Oh yeah! That guy friended you after that Psych group project sophomore year. He made the visual aid. Nice to know he has the "best GF in the world" cause she bought him tickets to something that's a little hard to read in the pic and I don't feel like clicking. Glad you found love, visual aid makey guy! We were all pulling for you.
You've literally never spoken a word to each other, but finally caved one time and sent a request after seeing each other in the "Friends You May Know" section non-stop for eleven straight months. Anyway, now you've seen a sound-wave-induced map of the interior of her uterus, and many pics of the man who definitively ejaculated inside of her. Always nice to touch base with old pals!
There is no greater way to instantly make 20 friends and never again see 19 of them for the rest of your life than by taking an improv class. Which person will turn out to be the most exhausting poster?? I've got my money on either 'curly haired girl who always did the Jewish voice' or Captain Thickneck. Should be a fun next ten years!!!
